Parenting Emotional Incest
(TRIGGER WARNING)
Trauma comes in many different colors. It doesn’t necessarily mean abuse or neglect.
Many of our clients experienced “Emotional Incest” which is when you step up and become the surrogate partner to a parent and become their sounding board and take care of their emotional needs, particularly when your parents are having difficult emotional issues.
At first this may seem normal — after all — it’s your father/mother you’re “taking care of”. Should be fine, right?
Unfortunately this “normal” you found yourself in causes you to abandon your own emotional needs… your younger self feeling seen, heard, loved for who you are gets sacrificed and you begin to form an identity where you become “daddy’s little girl” or “momma’s boy” who steps up and comforts your parent.
Soon, you enmesh with that parent and only feel ok if you are able to “make them feel ok”.
Slowly you lose who you are, and unconsciously find yourself in relationships where you are “rescuing” others exactly the same.
It’s not that you will ATTRACT a partner with the same emotional issues to face. You’ll be ATTRACTED TO someone with similar emotional issues as you try to repeat what was familiar to you in an effort to “fix” what you weren’t able to “fix” with your parent.
All of this is happening beneath the surface.
The people in our programs are amazing humans… just like you…
They just had no clue this was playing out, until breakdowns started happening….
Affairs, health problems, toxic cycles kept repeating, and all the therapies in the world wouldn’t touch it.
And worst of all, they were noticing the same patterns emerging with their own children as their relationships were crumbling too.
Until the veil was lifted and the truth revealed:
NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. WE ARE ALL AT THE EFFECTS OF GENERATIONS OF TRAUMA. WHAT’S PASSED DOWN TO YOUR PARENTS IS BEING PASSED DOWN TO YOU — AND IT’S BEING PASSED DOWN TO OUR CHILDREN.
This group is NOT a support group where we all complain and whine about how we’re being treated like shit from our partners.
Your partner, like you, is at the effect of generations of trauma.
My Trigger Proo Facebook group is a CONVERSATION about HEALING what your parents never had a chance to.
Only by having the courage to face these uncomfortable truths can we change the conversation from victimhood to responsibility.
Without doing this, we are bound to repeat these patterns in our relationships, breaking up / divorcing and finding the SAME PERSON — different hair cut.
This group is about changing the step in that familiar dance.
I see many of you here, coming to our events to break the cycle.
I salute you, I applaud you, I SEE YOU.
Trauma lives inside our bodies and gets activated every time we get triggered. It sucks that we had to go through it….
Now it’s time to ask “What do we do about it?”
If you haven’t yet watched the 90 minute triggerproof training workshop — please let me know.
Just comment “send me the training” and I’ll DM you.
I have laid out the framework and the model of how to heal this.
It’s changing the family dynamics in the clients we work with.
Our Live events are having people break down in tears at the realization of their unconscious motives in choosing their partners, with tools to powerfully change lives.
I’m glad you found your way in this community.
If you’re ready to understand what to do to heal this the training will help you get started.
Just ask.
And let’s keep this dialogue going.
We stand for healed families.
This is a pic of my son, Dominic. He’s 5 months old and has just discovered Spit bubbles.
This is all for him — to make sure he’s getting all his emotional needs met BY me and his mother and we’re not downloading all our fears, anxieties, and unresolved wounds down to him.
