Every Love Reveals A Shadow

The same relationship story plays out millions of times every day.

Two people meet. The connection feels magical.

Then slowly, old patterns start creeping in…

Conflict.
Disconnection.
Disappointment.

Time after time, until doubt takes root.

Is it them?
Is it because we haven’t met the “right person”?

Maybe, like I used to,
you secretly wonder:

Am I the problem?

Here’s the truth I wasn’t told:

It’s not you.
And it’s not them, either.

The actual problem is that we were never taught about love.

We go through years of school
learning math, science, and history.

But unless you had unicorn parents,
no one taught us
how to navigate the complexities of relationships.

No one taught us what happens
after the honeymoon phase fades.

No one told us:

• Why the little things that felt cute in the beginning now drive us crazy.
• Why we feel distant even when we’re sitting side by side.
• Why the same arguments happen over and over,
  leaving both people feeling unheard and unseen.

Here’s the cheat sheet for Relationships 101:

Love doesn’t feel hard because
it’s the wrong person.

Love feels hard
because it exposes the parts of us
we don’t know how to face.

It’s in the quiet moments of disconnection
when our fears of abandonment creep in.

It’s in the arguments when we find ourselves
reacting with anger or shutting down completely.

It’s in the way we hold onto resentment,
even as we long for closeness.

These struggles aren’t random.
They’re not because you’re “bad” at love.

They’re the result of unseen patterns —
what Carl Jung called “the Shadow.”

The Shadow isn’t evil or dangerous.
It’s simply the parts of us we’ve hidden away —
the fears, wounds, and unmet needs we’ve been avoiding.

And here’s what is most interesting:
Those shadows show up most viscerally
in our relationships.

Here’s are some examples:

• The fear of being “too much” or “not enough.”
• The need to control, fix, or rescue our partner.
• The resentful outburst when we feel when our needs aren’t met.
• The silent expectation that love
  should just “happen” without effort.
  That they “should just read our mind if they truly loved us.”

Love feels hard
because no one taught us how to handle these shadows.

We weren’t taught how to respond when conflict arises.
We weren’t taught how to navigate our triggers
or hold space for someone else’s.

And we definitely weren’t taught
how to heal the wounds that keep us stuck.

But here’s the good news:
Just because we weren’t taught
doesn’t mean we can’t learn.

I used to think love had to be this impossible balancing act,
where I had to either lose myself to keep the peace
or stand my ground and risk losing everything.

That I couldn’t have them AND myself at the same time.

That I had to choose between one or the other.

Now I know that love isn’t about choosing
between connection and self-preservation.

It’s about learning the SKILLS to have both.

And that’s exactly what I love teaching
to my community of Cyclebreakers.

Over the next few blog posts as the days progress,
I’ll share the truths about love and relationships
that no one ever told us —
the truths that helped me break free from those old patterns
and create love that feels safe, secure, and nourishing.

You don’t have to stay stuck in the struggle.
You don’t have to keep repeating the same cycles.
Love can be simpler.
Love can be safer.

And yes, love can feel easy.

If you’re curious, stay with me.

The next step on this journey
is going to reveal why so many of us end up in the same patterns —
and how you can finally break free.

With compassion towards what we never learned,

Your wingman on the journey,
Nima

If you’re ready to stop the hamster wheel in love
and start understanding the hidden dynamics
that shape your relationships,
I’ve got something special for you.

In February, I’m hosting a 3-week Shadow Work
mini-course that’s designed to uncover and heal
the unseen patterns keeping you stuck in love.

It’s packed with almost $5,000 worth of tools and guidance —
all for under $400.
(This offer won’t happen again).

If you want to grab a seat and join in for the ride,
DM or comment with
“Tell me more about the mini-course,”
and I’ll send you all the details.

Let’s rewrite your love story — starting now.