How do you deal with anxiety?

Look carefully at your answer to this question, because
without you even knowing,

chances are your relationship with anxiety will be the predicting factor on how all your other relationships will turn out.

Including the one with your children.

Let me explain.

When most people reach out to me to help them heal relationship breakdowns and learn how to undo “toxic” dynamics,
when describing their situation, I noticed something peculiar:

Most will look at the other person as the problem:
“They’re childish.”
“They’re narcissistic”
“They’re too needy”
“They ignore me”
“They’re abusive”
“They keep cheating on me and coming back.”
“They have a porn addiction.”

Followed by “WHAT DO I DO? ANY ADVICE?”

I don’t have the heart to tell them:
They just are so preoccupied with the other person that they’re asking the wrong question.
They’re secretly avoiding looking at their own part of the dance.

The sad part is that they’re so far from themselves and have created such an identity from abandoning and betraying themselves…
that they AREN’T EVEN AWARE that the question they REALLY want to know is:

“How do I create a relationship where I feel nourished, safe, and mutual, and “all-in” with someone?”
They are too scared to find out if something within them is “broken” that prevents them from making relationships work.

I can TOTALLY relate to this.

Sometimes, I come across people with the exact opposite issue:

Instead of pointing fingers outward, they are steeped in shame,

“I’m a failure.”
“I can’t let anyone in.”
“I don’t want to get too close.”
“I’d rather avoid going there.”
“I don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s emotions.”

These are the avoiders.

Truthfully, we have a little bit of both within us, even though one will predominate.

To create secure relationships, we must shift our focus.

We must decide to remove the word “blame” and “fault” out of the equation and focus on healing our Attachment Distress Responses.

That means, how we react to the activations that will come up in everyday life.

Anxiety is just a trigger that’s stuck in the system — energy looking to be discharged.

We don’t know what to do with it, so we either stuff it down, put on a mask, or react with
Fight (poking)
Flight (running)
Freeze (hiding)
Fawn (submitting).

Each of these protective mechanisms helped us survive a potentially difficult time in childhood, and kept us safe.
But these safety mechanisms in childhood cause destruction in intimate partnerships (and our parenting) in adulthood.

Simply put — if left unchecked — not only do they destroy our romantic relationships and marriages, but they eventually get passed down
to the children in the family system as they don’t feel safe in the container.

If you don’t believe me, think of how your parents handled their anxiety and reactivity.

Chances are, you were impacted.

In our cyclebreakers trainings, when people are stuck in limbo, not knowing if they are to stay or go,
or trying to heal from relationship anxiety, they’re pleased to know that the work has little to nothing to do with their partner.

When you learn how to become trigger proof (not trigger less), you turn your trauma into your greatest asset and heal
the primary relationship — with yourself.

Secure relationships become a natural result — because you’re then able to speak your truth, set your boundaries,
and give and receive love freely.

If you are looking at your own situation and you’re ready to learn how to take responsibility for your own triggers (not blame)
and learn how to turn sh*t into sugar, and alchemize your suffering into deeper self love so that secure bonds become your
DEFAULT….

Follow the link and join us at our next live event, or better yet, apply to become a CycleBreaker and fill out an application.

Your liberated self awaits.

See you at the next perfect time…

Your guide on the side,
Nima