HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE FULL OF SH#T
I’ve had this question come up several times as we get ready on Friday to tackle this topic of “fawning”.
Not enough people are speaking about this and I’m here to change the conversation.
FAWNING IS A TRAUMA RESPONSE.
Why should this matter to you?
And how do you know the difference between fawning and being real?
This topic matters because chances are if you’ve felt frustrated in love, you’ve probably researched your attachment style and figured out you have some healing to do.
But chances are, you haven’t yet taken an honest look at how much fawning you do on a daily basis.
AM I BEING AUTHENTIC OR AM I JUST FAWNING?
(how to know the difference)
Here’s how to know:
1) FAWNING IS REFLEXIVE. IT’S AUTOMATIC.
You’re not even aware you’re doing it. It’s mostly unconscious.
Your body instinctively defaults to people-pleasing behaviors.
2) FAWNING CONTAINS MANY PARTS.
While one aspect of ourselves engages in appeasing others,
another part becomes immobilized.
This leads to a feeling of tension and internal strain during the act of fawning.
This is THE telltale sign you’re fawning.
3) SERVING INVIGORATES, FAWNING CREATS EXHAUSTION
Contrasting with the fulfillment from joyful service, fawning leaves us drained, not invigorated.
It often results in feelings of exhaustion, resentment, overwhelm, and stress.
The physical toll of fawning is evident in our bodies,
typically manifesting as general fatigue and pain and persistent tension in areas where we subconsciously BRACE ourselves.
(This is why I left my Chiropractic practice to teach this).
4) AUTHENTICITY IS EMBODIED
Conscious service that resonates positively WITHIN us
is a sign of being fully present and embodied.
During this process, we are in tune with our boundaries,
feeling a clear ‘yes’ and ‘no’ as we serve.
I can feel this with my wife.
I can feel this with my parents.
I can feel this with my clients.
I can feel this even with my son.
Once I reach my limit,
I am able to recognize it and take time to rest and rejuvenate.
5) FAWNING IS DISSOCIATIVE
Fawning, as a trauma response,
often involves a state of dissociation,
disconnecting me from my physical sensations.
In this state, I lose touch with my body’s cues,
making it challenging to recognize my own limits
and feel where my boundaries lie.
6) WE FAWN WHEN WE PERCEIVE THREAT
Fawning originates from the belief that expressing one’s true self
is akin to facing danger or threat.
Think of living as an oppressed minority in a community that bullies, shames, or even punishes those with differing views on politics, religion, health choices or your philosophy about sex and relationships.
It’s the impact of the “Matrix” you and I are in.
Cancel culture is real now and virtue signaling is how we fawn towards certain groups.
It’s getting out of hand.
We’re just part of a program, living a pattern we’re not even aware of.
A crucial step towards overcoming this pattern is learning to distinguish between mere discomfort and ACTUAL threat,
empowering you to move away from fawning behaviors.
(Note- this part is the most challenging as it involves feedback and practice).
7) SOCIAL OVERWHELM CAN TRIGGER FAWNING
Since stress, fear, and anxiety can mimic the sensation of threat,
our bodies are often deceived during social overwhelm.
This can lead to a reflexive fawn response around others,
even in situations where it’s actually safe to disagree and have boundaries.
So if we don’t resolve the root cause and heal from this, you’ll notice yourself rather avoiding relationships altogether, getting tired, exhausted, holding onto resentment towards others.
It really doesn’t have to be this way.
In my upcoming three-hour Zoom masterclass on fawning,
“From People Pleasing to Powerful: How to stop fawning and start flourishing in relationships”
I am teaching my community of cyclebreakers strategies and practices to liberate themselves from this trauma response.
You’re invited to join in if this resonates.
The focus will be on how to empower yourself
to express your truth authentically,
moving away from the reflex to suppress your genuine feelings in favor of performative people-pleasing.
It’s Friday the 12th from 4–7pm PST (7–10 EST) or Saturday morning in Sydney from 11–2pm on the 13th.
I’m opening the doors for guest to join the masterclass training for only $25.
It’s time to Stop Fawning. I mean, they’re cute and all, but you’re not going to get what you truly want (secure, committed love) if you keep letting it run your life.
Share in the comments where you fawn the most.
Be honest.
Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima
