How To Make Parenting Less Shitty

A couple of years ago I was introduced to a methodology and practice that weirded me out.

The only way I actually gave it any credence was that it was introduced to me by a Neuroscientist friend of mine.

It was at a difficult time in my life when I was in the midst of a breakup,

None of the methods I was accustomed to using were working to make me feel any better.

I was quite embarrassed because I made my living helping others feel better.

I was really good at it too…

I just couldn’t do it for myself at the time, and nothing was working.

When I learned about “Reparenting,” I was like…

huh?

How is talking to my “Inner Child” going to make ANY difference in my life?

As it turns out, it makes a HUGE difference.

Here’s why (in simple terms):

Your adult-mind is your rational, high-level thinking- creative part of your brain that is logical, good at solving problems, and is amazing at helping a friend with advice in solving their life dilemmas over coffee.

Your Child-mind is your emotional “mind” that is feeling based—and when it gets activated (triggered), will feel lost, hopeless, confused, scared and alone, looking for safety outside himself/herself.

Depending on our traumatic experiences as a child, and the current state of our Nervous system, when in the clutches of these triggers, we become highly reactive and either act out, or shut down into a hopeless freeze and revert back to our lost and abandoned little child, throwing tantrums looking for mommy and daddy to rescue them.

Doesn’t matter how smart or intelligent and aware you are. The moment you’re triggered by anything that resembles what you experienced as a child, you TURN INTO THAT CHILD.

Reparenting is the process by which we connect with those younger parts of us and meet the emotional needs we didn’t receive as children.

“Re-parenting”—is just that.

Imagine being able to become the parent to yourself.

How would you have done it differently?

That’s what reparenting is.

It’s a new conversation with your younger self...

A shifting of perpetual self abandonment and judgment, blame and shame of yourself...

To compassion towards yourself.

And when you do—you’re able to self soothe and self regulate…

You emotionally mature.

You become less reactive.

You become more understanding and loving towards yourself.

Then, something magical happens.

Something unexpected.

I experienced it myself.

First, what happened to me was nothing short of a miracle.

2 years after Integrating a reparenting practice to my own spiritual practice and teaching to my clients (I teach others what I need the most)……

I got married and we had a baby that is a spitting image of my inner child.

This was impossible for me before.

Relationships weren’t my forte.

Dominic is my “outer-child” and now, parenting him has become an easy extension from reparenting myself.

And that has resulted in a pretty insane connection between us.

When we lock eyes, it’s like we both SEE each other.

I can’t explain it.

But maybe you can feel it in this video.

It’s seriously a blast every single day.

And even when it ISN’T a blast…

It still is—because of the practice I’ve been doing—parenting him is like parenting an extension of myself.

I can more readily see when I’m parenting from my ego—or from a genuine connection that is felt by him.

My presence as a parent is so much richer than without this practice.

It’s been helping our clients too in a big way.

Just to confirm that I’m not actually making this up—we have been testing this on dozens of our clients who are on their healing journeys in creating secure relationships in their lives:

100% of them say that their parenting game has gone through the roof.

More patience, less losing their shit on their kids.

Kids (even with behavioral issues) are more present with them.

A more authentic connection to kids (many who are struggling so much at this time especially).

This pic I shared in this post came from one of our clients healing through divorce and noticing even after a couple weeks in our trainings what a difference it’s making in her son’s life (who’s been struggling as a result).

What a gift our OWN inner work can be to our children.

That’s why whenever parents reach out to me with questions about their kids---

I show them the path:

Reparenting themselves.

It’s a skill that can be taught.

It takes practice.

It’s weird AF at first.

I’ve seen it save lives.

It’s THE missing link for all the cognitive junkies who love the mental masturbation of talk therapy and “clearing emotions…..”

When you get this right, you realize

There’s nothing to clear

Nothing to fix…

Only to do the work to fully understand….

By going inward and understanding the child inside of us.

If you’ve been noticing parts of you that are disconnected from your emotions,

Highly reactive,

Stuck and fearful,

I want you to know there’s nothing wrong with you.

It’s highly likely that you’ve been stuck in activation of your “child-mind”.

And there’s a younger part of you waiting for you to be the one to rescue them.

If you’re noticing your relationships not working, stuck in limbo and disconnected from yourself, still feeling triggered and resentful with your parents, feeling unsafe in your body when certain people are around you--wanting to transform your relationship with fear within yourself and others—

I have a 4 hour workshop called “Breathwork and Badassery” where I guide you into a Reparenting exercise and meditation followed by a journey into Conscious, connected breathing to help you move through your emotions, regulate your nervous system and get you into a calm, flow state, feeling relaxed and centered.

This event has been described as “mind blowing,” “transformative and deeply healing” by attendees. It’s a regular part of the training I do with my private, high level clients, and I open it up to anyone who wants to come and practice.

Saturday March 19th, 2022, 12 noon — 4pm PST

If you feel called to learn—or even deepen your practice of self-love and self-connection so you can create secure relationships at home where your wounds are not passed down to the next generation…

I’d love it if you joined us.

The impact of the work you do on this can span for many generations.

When you do, your own healing spreads virally, and you break cycles that never began with you in the first place.

They can however, end with you if you take it on—and help your children grow up in environments where they feel seen and heard and safe under your care.

Parenting is hard, and mom/dad guilt is real.

I’m not saying I’m going to be perfect at this,

But I’m glad I know the blueprint to how to be as “unshitty” at this as possible.

Click HERE to register for Breathwork and Badassery.