How To Stop Caring About What People Think Of You
“Stay in your lane!”
An online psychotherapist told me after she saw and read my content.
She was feeling like I was encroaching in her “monopoly” of teaching emotional well-being to my clients and audience.
That I wasn’t qualified to be teaching what I now teach.
This is not news to me.
“You’re peddling Pseudoscience”.
“Snake Oil”.
“You’re unqualified.”
“You’re dangerous.”
Imagine choosing a career where you are invalidated constantly — called “fringe” or “quack” throughout it.
That’s been me for 20 years as a Chiropractor.
Lately as my study, focus, and content has been focusing on the Neuroscience of Interpersonal Relationships and Nervous System Regulation by facing and healing the past so your relationships can THRIVE, I’ve been speaking out and seeing some of the dissension and aggressive labelling hurled my way.
“You’re Victim Blaming.”
“You’re not qualified”.
“You’re Irresponsible.”
The labels we love throw at each other.
And It’s never been louder than today as people vent their bitter and angry unhealed wounds and traumas on social media towards one another in the guise of social justice.
We see something we get triggered by, we as humans project those wounds outwards — and the verbal attacks and labels go flying.
This is one of the reasons why you’re likely not speaking up and expressing your voice. It’s the feelings of rejection one must be courageous enough confront in order to lead… And to confront from an angry society where public aggressive reactivity is becoming the new normal.
This can be especially challenging for you if you’ve had the experience in childhood of feeling invalidated for your desires and vision.
You have all this evidence and gratitude in your inbox for the amazingness you’re had the courage to put out in the world — and BOOM… you get the trolls….
Aaaaaand then here you are — again — feeling invalidated and misunderstood — playing victim to the victims who are trolling you.
What a clusterfuck it can be to follow your heart and speak your truth.
I chuckled at one of the questions someone asked in a facebook group I’m a part of:
“Is there a Podcast or a Book anyone could recommend that will help me not care so much about what other people think of me?”
I looked and there were almost 300 comments underneath… suggestions ranging from Mark Manson’s book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck”, to the Bible.
I chuckled because that was the exact question that led me down this path.
That was the exact question that reveals the true Pandemic of Society.
That was the exact question that when we are unconscious, causes us to live wearing a mask to hide our truth in order to be liked, to avoid being dismissed or cancelled, or feeling shame, humiliation, rejection and loneliness.
I was humbled to realize the answer to that question isn’t found in a book you read, a YouTube video or a podcast, sadly.
It’s found by doing DEEP inner work and a quest to find, rescue, and heal those parts of us that we betrayed and abandoned a long time ago so that we could feel safe and seen and accepted.
And in that process…. to acknowledge, validate, and find love and empathy for those parts.
For real.
Authentically.
It sounds so simple, but as it turns out if it were simple, we wouldn’t be in a chronic mental (and physical) health crisis we are in now.
I left full-time Chiropractic because I could sense that my patients’ physical wounds weren’t separate from their emotional ones.
After talking to people who were doing traditional therapy (Counselling, Psychotherapy) — that simply talking about their problems without actually being guided to the other side of their victim story — was NOT WORKING.
I stopped referring them altogether and began the journey of teaching.
I stared creating workshops in my office 11 years ago to start teaching those skills and tools — and noticed amazing changes that they were not getting elsewhere.
Instead of finding answers on the outside — I was helping my clients find their voice where they lost it, find their truth where they denied it, and find their power where they gave it away to victimhood.
When they participated fully — they would have crazy results they never achieved elsewhere.
-Decreased anxiety
- Less destructive self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviours
-Success in business and creativity
- Relationships deepen in intimacy
- The power to leave relationships that are not congruent
As I would share how people could actually learn to Self-Heal and get these results with different methods than the traditional cognitive talk therapy — that people can be guided to be their OWN healers —
Out came the invalidating angry and bitter folks.
It seems that It’s Therapists that are the most bitter, angry and reactive of all…
(not all of them).
Just look at all the hate hurled at The Holistic Psychologist from her peers, labelling her a quack and pseudoscientific because she shares her journey of healing herself when traditional methods didn’t work for her.
I know exactly how she must feel.
They still are making comments on my fb pages — I still get the angry emails….
But what’s different now is a deep knowing inside of me.
That’s how you over-ride outside opinions — which can be sometimes so painful you don’t feel like getting out of bed.
That’s how you make social media less stressful for yourself.
Our Nay-sayers serve us to find certainty within ourselves if we’re willing to do the work of changing those Neural Habits and patterns.
When you do — you don’t really notice it.
Then one day it hits you.
You read a comment — or hear those voices — and….
Nothing.
No internal disruption.
No trigger into an old wound.
You realize you have finally got there.
The holy grail everyone is trying to find in a podcast but has eluded them all along:
You find the balance of caring deeply for people but not giving a fuck at the same time.
You can the feel that you’ve done enough de-conditioning of self-abandonment and re-wiring of your Nervous System that the KNOWING in WHO YOU ARE and WHAT YOU DO FOR HUMANITY over-rides the critical opinion of your naysayers.
Then a funny thing starts to happen for you. You start to see people trickle into your universe who were once naysayers themselves because they want to experience the magic of your work.
This is the path.
The path is to find your OWN lane and create it exactly the way YOU want knowing people won’t agree and approve, and that’s totally fine because they’re not your people.
This happens to be MY lane.
It’s a lane of my choosing.
It’s a lane of healing.
Of education.
Of entertainment and fun.
Of creating powerful experiences for people to grow, heal, share their truth, receive education, guidance, love, understanding, strategy, support, challenge, tools, a community, and an ass-kicking when required.
And the results are STAGGERING.
(Read some of my DM’s — And some trolls I’ve included too).
This is an invitation for you reading this right now to experience it for yourself.
We have 2 events coming up for you if you are a victim to your emotions like guilt and shame and resentment and want to learn how to get it out of your body.
It’s for you If you’re feeling like a victim to your past.
A victim to your relationships.
A victim to your health crisis.
A victim looking for a hero outside of you.
This is an invitation to experience the freedom of living from an internally guided place, with EMPATHY towards the opinion of others rather than contempt or fear.
Join us Breathwork and Badassery where you reconnect to your younger forgotten parts.
The Overview Experience where you deepen your relationship with those younger parts so you can continue your journey of Finding your voice and healing your attachment wounds.
One doctor said he felt like he did 10 years of regular therapy by attending and participating.
There’s no amount of will power that can make us stop repeating patterns that are unconsciously stuck in our bodies from childhood, and no amount of talk therapy without the right skills and tools will ever suffice.
If you’re ready to heal, to take the steering wheel of your life and set the foundation to healthy relationships by finding your inner voice….
Join us at upcoming Breathwork and Badassery or The Overview Experience.
