I Didn’t Expect This

Just had a female friend and colleague post an intriguing question to engage in discussion.

It worked.

I had to think about the answer for a minute.

“WHAT ARE THE QUALITIES OF A HIGH VALUE WOMAN?”

I paused. Dropped in and imagined — today — after a Divorce, several failed relationships, a TON of inner work and de-conditioning of attachment-distress responses, and my healing from a toxic trauma bond — -what really turns me on NOW in a woman in general and this is what I came up with:

• The ability to emotionally regulate and take responsibility for her emotions.
• Unwilling to remain a victim in her life. She’s complete with most of her past and Is doing her inner work to resolve any remaining bitterness.
• isn’t trying to “please” and put on an act to “get” something covertly due to the fact that she’s unable to meet her own needs. Her pleasing nature comes from feeling full inside of her and wanting to share it.
• Is able to manage the chaos of her “Kali” energy — not use it as an excuse for volatile and insecure behavior and is able to get vulnerable and ask for what she needs, giving me an easy way to “win” with her.
• The ability to respect a boundary when she is told “no” without resulting in a narcissistic injury.
• The ability to say “no” when something doesn’t align with her vision.
• able to receive critical feedback graciously and have her partner feel heard.
• ability to own her shame and be able to call herself out if she’s being incongruent and initiate repair.
• A woman with a vision. A woman that REFUSES to abandon her own soul.
• doesn’t necessarily identify with “Bossbabe” archetype but has her financial house in order.

all that while still being able to be playfully submissive and sensual.

I’m not saying this is the “Gospel according to Nima.”

I know this seems to be “swinging for the rafters”.

This is just a conscious-seeking soul’s truth of what turns him on.

Take it or leave it.

Up to you.

You’re entitled to your own flavor — so you don’t need to send me a reply thinking this is personal about you and your inadequacies. This isn’t a dude “mansplaining,” either. I was just really shocked at how different my answer is now after all the work I’ve done and the inner work I help guide others into. What’s valuable for me has changed so dramatically.

I also curiously observed how many things many women would think are so important are not even considerations for me.

For example — Being ultra successful in a woman doesn’t make her “high value” to me necessarily. As long as she’s doing work that pursues her zone of joy and genius — if that’s what she wants. Bonus if she’s able to make her relationships and family a priority over that.

I realized these are the skills of a #cyclebreaker. We basically work towards these ways of being in this community of ours. And don’t think for a second men aren’t called on to take responsibility, either. Far from- in fact, I’d say a man of high value has an even GREATER responsibility — to have his emotional, financial, and physical house in order so that he can create a safe container where a partner can feel safe in ascending WITH him. That the space is set up in a way where the relationship becomes a place where healing can occur. This is the new “flex” for high-value- man — where it might have been money before.

I’m curious what this email brings up in you. Does any of this resonate? Please hit reply and let me know. Even if this upsets you — I’d love to hear why.

If I created trainings like this in the new year would you be interested to learn how to master these states of being?

Would that be of value to you?

I’m committed to teaching neuroscience nerds in the world who want to learn how to REWIRE conditioned insecure self-abandoning patterns so they can show up as secure souls who MAGNETIZE good shit to you.

No games.

In-your-face-in-a-compassionate-way

Kicking you in the butt while hugging you

Ram-Dass meets David Goggins….

No gurus.
No pedestalizing oneself.

Just plain “cut-the-bs” type of conversation.

The way you’ve been craving to have.

This is for those ripe and ready to receive something like this in 2023 so that instead of living in fear like everyone else they can claim a new unstoppable identity.

For those super serious in going deeper and those who get that we can’t do it alone — an opportunity to invest in some feedback from an Interpersonal Trauma Specialist for your growth.

Not for those who want things the same as this past year.

This is for you if you’re ready to step up your game and make your new self THE priority.

Tell me what that would look like for you and I’ll cook up something if you want to play.

(Oh and this pic at the top of this email has nothing to do with this post.

Dominic and Magic just LOVE waving to the garbage truck and sanitation workers every week.

Same dudes. They always wave back and receive his appreciation — I just thought it was cute and would bring a smile to your face.)

BACK TO MY POINT — GUT CHECK TIME

If you’re a single and you’ve been wondering if your unresolved wounds are getting in the way of you finding a conscious partner and you secretly fear of dying alone (that was what woke me up to do the work!), or you’re stuck in your relationship wondering “where the hell is this going — there’s gotta be something I’m missing here” and you’re staying only because you’re afraid of being alone…..

Either way — if you’ve ever suspected if your childhood experiences have gotten in the way of you being a high-value relationship partner capable of being in a high-value relationship, there’s a way you can get to the bottom of it. And it doesn’t take years of therapy, either.

In fact, the root cause of it can be easily identified within ONE DAY. This is why I created the Overview Experience.

It’s a 6 hour Deep Dive into all the things Neuroscience and Conditioning that have you showing up needy and insecure in all relationships, feeling like you’re undeserving of a love with a high-value partner.

When you do, you gain access to a deep sense of belonging with yourself, a conscious partner, knowing you BOTH are all in with each other in a mutual relationship rather than a one-sided experience where you’re always wondering if you’re loveable.

It’s your chance to create a fortress around yourself before the holidays and glide into the new year with a deep connection to a person you might have lost along the way: YOURSELF.

If this resonates with you — use the link, jump in, and Comment below and let me know what specific questions you want answered and I will be sure to help you get to the bottom of it at the event next week.

See you at the next perfect time.