I Stopped Trying To Change The World
In case you haven’t noticed, there are a lot of keyboard warriors out there
criticizing how things are being run.
Throughout the pandemic, I found myself in that same boat for a hot minute.
And lo and behold: It got me nowhere.
I wasn’t any happier complaining endlessly — and nothing was changing.
I realized there was only one place I could go to make a difference….
The one place that very few people who scream the loudest about the world dare go:
One of the sad by-products of childhood trauma is that we fall into a relationship with reality where we give away power.
The rejection, hostile control, lack of warmth, and unpredictability with parents that perpetuate maltreatment cause us to unconsciously adopt what’s called “an external locus of control”.
What happened to us begins to inform us of WHO WE THINK WE ARE.
We then view the entire world, our relationships, our work environments through the same lens,
thinking we are powerless.
WE END UP ASSUMING ITS OUR JOB/ROLE TO TRY TO CHANGE THE WORLD.
This ends up being EXHAUSTING. It’s why most rescuers who are trying to change the world
I meet have complex post traumatic stress injuries and are burnt out and depressed.
I’m going to make a bold statement that might sound selfish (especially if you’re a rescuer)… but hear me out:
THE MOST EFFECTIVE PATH TO CHANGING THE WORLD IS TO HEAL OURSELVES FROM OUR OWN CHILDHOOD TRAUMA.
It’s precisely why Clinical Psychologist and Professor Jordan Peterson’s rule #6 in his book: “12 Rules for Life” states:
“Set your house in Perfect Order before you criticize the world”.
If we don’t look inward first — our unresolved attachment wounds limit our capacity, destroy our health, cause reactivity that
keeps destroying our relationships — and unfortunately get downloaded onto our children as they view the world with the same
identity…. and we crush their own possibility.
Our relationships become co-dependent as we bring that “powerless victim” identity into our relationships.
When we finally stop looking outside, then focus on looking inward for healing and change,
we grow, we mature, and we come up with better strategies to empower ourselves and others.
We then break the cycle of trauma for our children.
We inspire change, instead of forcing it.
In working with clients who are burnt out rescuers tired of trying to fix everyone on the outside,
the biggest obstacle is within the identity itself.
You see, rescuing others is an unconscious strategy for avoiding our own pain.
Most rescuers can’t bear the thought of helping rescue themselves.
The guilt would consume them.
And yet it’s the only way to break the cycle.
Try to Change the world without first cleaning up our own wounds — and we burn out and destroy our relationships.
Look inward first and rescue ourselves… and break the cycle.
If you’re finally ready to end this hamster wheel so you can heal, shift the dynamics in your relationships
and get your house in order so that your children can grow in possibility rather than the same fate of co-dependency…
jump in and join us at our next event that’s coming up below to get a taste of how to put your house in order…
or if you’re ready to take it to the next level, apply to become a Cyclebreaker where my team and I help you heal
attachment trauma at a somatic level so that you can literally shift the world around you
not by force or criticism, but by who you BECOME.
A rising tide lifts all boats, while criticism causes others to feel diminished.
To your health,
your guide on the side,