Love Makes You Do Crazy Things
“LOVE MAKES YOU DO CRAZY THINGS”
- Will Smith
Love does NOT make you do crazy things. Our bonds to Trauma do. When activated, they cause us to feel the unimaginable and unacceptable feelings of toxic shame. Then, in an unconscious state, our higher brain centres switch offline, and we react in anger to help us project that shame OUTWARDS to protect ourselves from the pain of it.
My more recent experience of “Love” in the context of a SECURE relationship sees love with more understanding behind it.
When others witness this behavior, THEIR OWN SHAME comes up, and to protect themselves from it, they will point fingers and judge outwards to spare themselves from the unimaginable and unacceptable feelings of toxic shame they feel about those darker parts of themselves, and make their own version of an attack.
We can always tell by the emotional charge behind our posts. The more charged up we are, the more internal shame we are trying to project outwards.
This causes more shame, which brings up a desire to defend and fire back….
And the cycle continues.
Just look at your social media feed right now.
Notice how we make it all about us.
I know I sure as hell did.
And likely, so did you.
Only by looking inward and seeing the reflection within ourselves with compassion and understanding can we break this cycle.
If we do, then we can transform a society and generation.
If we don’t, then we are pretending to understand how human behavior “should be” instead — and end up passing this same unconsciousness down to our kids who are watching everything closely as a model to their behavior.
It starts with us. It starts with us redefining what “Love” is and making an art out of becoming better at it, after having it modeled to us in often very dark and manipulative and child-like ways through unconscious parents.
Love doesn’t make us do crazy things. Our inability to feel shame properly in healthy ways does.
Our inability to own our disowned parts of what we are reacting to — does.
What’s more important to learn than this?