Parents: How To Break The Cycle: Where To Begin
A couple of years ago I was introduced to a methodology
and practice that weirded me out.
The only way I actually gave it any credence was that it was introduced to me by a Neuroscientist MD friend of mine.
It was at a difficult time in my life
when I was in the midst of a breakup,
feeling stuck in my emotions
and disconnected from myself.
None of the cognitive methods I was accustomed to using were working to make me feel any calmer.
I felt like I was drowning in a sea of anxiety.
It was also quite embarrassing because I made my living from what I understood, helping others “feel better.”
I was really good at it too…
I just couldn’t do it for myself at the time, and nothing was working.
When I learned about “Reparenting,” I was like…
How is talking to my “Inner Child” going to make ANY difference in my life?
As it turns out, it makes a HUGE difference.
Here’s why (in simple terms):
Your adult-mind is your rational,
high-level thinking- creative part of your brain
that is logical, good at solving problems,
and is amazing at helping a friend with advice
in solving their life dilemmas over coffee.
You can help them see the big picture and it’s so painfully obvious to you.
Your Child-mind is your “emotional mind” that is feeling based — and when it gets activated (triggered), will feel lost,
hopeless, confused, scared and alone,
looking for safety outside himself/herself.
Depending on our varying tapestries of
traumatic experiences as a child,
combined with the current state of our Nervous system,
when in the clutches of these triggers,
we become highly reactive and either act out,
or shut down into a hopeless “freeze” and
revert back to our lost and abandoned little child,
throwing tantrums looking for mommy and daddy (or someone outside of us) to rescue them.
Doesn’t matter how smart or intelligent and aware we are.
The moment we’re triggered by anything that resembles what we experienced as a child, we TURN INTO THAT CHILD.
Reparenting is the process by which we connect with those younger parts of us and meet the emotional needs we didn’t receive as children.
“Re-parenting” — is just that.
And it’s not something that you do once and you’ve crossed the finish line to self-love.
THERE IS NO FINISH LINE.
This is a practice of re-conditioning.
Re-connecting is the very definition of
creating a new reality for yourself, beginning on the INSIDE FIRST.
Imagine being able to become the parent to yourself that you’ve never had before.
How would you have done it differently?
That’s what reparenting is.
It’s a new conversation with your younger self…
A shifting of perpetual self abandonment and judgment, blame and shame of yourself…
To a new reality of compassion towards yourself.
When you do — you’re able to self soothe and self regulate… and over a period of just weeks of this practice…
You emotionally mature.
You become less reactive.
You become more understanding and loving towards yourself.
Then, something magical happens.
I experienced it myself.
What happened to me was nothing short of a miracle:
2 years after Integrating a reparenting practice to my own spiritual practice and teaching my clients/students (what I needed the most)……
I got married and we had a baby that is a spitting image of my inner child.
This might not be a big deal for you…
But this was IMPOSSIBLE for me before adding this practice to my daily life.
Relationships weren’t my forte.
They are now.
Dominic is my “outer-child” and now, parenting him has become an easy extension from reparenting myself.
And that has resulted in a pretty insane connection between us.
When we lock eyes, it’s like we both SEE each other.
I can’t explain it.
It’s seriously a blast every day.
It still is — because of the practice I’ve been doing —
parenting him is like parenting an extension of myself.
My presence as a parent is so much richer than without this practice.
It’s been helping our clients too in a big way.
We have been testing this on dozens of our clients who are on their healing journeys in creating secure relationships in their lives:
100% of them say that their parenting game has gone through the roof.
More patience, less losing their shit on their kids.
Kids (even with behavioral issues) are more present with them.
A more authentic connection to kids (many who are struggling so much at this time especially).
This screen capture I shared in this post came from one of our clients healing through divorce and noticing even after a couple weeks in our trainings what a difference it’s making in her son’s life (who’s been struggling as a result). Her life and business have massively expanded as she rewires internally.
Greater capacity for emotional safety.
As a result — Business expands to fit your greater capacity.
What a gift our OWN inner work can be to our children, and the world in general.
That’s why whenever parents reach out to me with questions about their kids — -
I show them the path:
It’s a skill that can be learned and mastered.
It takes practice.
It’s weird AF at first.
I’ve seen it save lives.
It’s THE missing link for all the cognitive junkies who love the mental masturbation of talk therapy and “clearing emotions…..”
When you get this right, you realize
There’s nothing to “clear”
Nothing to fix…
Only to do the work to fully understand….
By going inward and understanding the child inside of us.
If you’ve been noticing parts of you that are disconnected from your emotions, and this has been resonating because you are noticing your relationships are struggling, stuck in limbo with the same patters, and disconnected from yourself, still unresolved with your past, feeling unsafe in your body when certain people are around you — wanting to transform your relationship with fear within yourself and others —
We have a 4 hour workshop on 19th March 2022 called “Breathwork and Badassery” where I guide you into a Reparenting exercise and meditation followed by a journey into Conscious, connected breathing to help you move through your emotions, regulate your nervous system and get you into a calm, flow state, feeling relaxed and centered.
This event has been described as “mind blowing,” “transformative and deeply healing” by attendees. It’s a regular part of the training I do with my private, high level clients, and I open it up to anyone who wants to come and practice.
On Saturday 19th March from 12–4pm PST (That’s bright and early on Sunday morning in Oz).
Click HERE to learn — or even deepen your practice of self-love and self-connection so you can create secure relationships at home where your wounds are not passed down to the next generation…
I’d love it if you joined us.
The impact of the work you do on this can span for many generations.
When you do, your own healing spreads virally, and you break cycles that never began with you in the first place.
They can however, end with you if you take it on — and help your children grow up in environments where they feel seen and heard and safe under your care.
Parenting can be difficult, and mom/dad guilt is real.
Inviting you to give yourself the edge by mastering the art and Neuroscience of Reparenting with us
Click HERE to register.