Some Terrible Advice: Leave The Past Behind You
Often when we feel stuck in our lives with resentment, or we feel paralyzed by something we did,
we seek the advice of friends and counsellors who tell us “there’s no sense in digging up old wounds… Just let it go!”
I’m sure you’re equally as annoyed by the “Frozen” Disney song sang by Elsa.
We don’t need to go there.
This concept of “JUST LET IT GO” has all the right intentions:
Freedom from the emotional and psychological constraints in life that don’t allow us to move forward.
There’s one small problem to consider though:
You can cognitively say you want to “let go of the past,” but the problem is that no matter what you say or think, the past is very much alive in your body.
The concept of “TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS” has been demonstrated to be false.
If you don’t believe me, look at the ACE study (google it) that showed unequivocally that Chronic illness later in life is caused by unresolved trauma in the nervous system in childhood.
In other words, unresolved shame, grief, guilt, and resentment all end up being stored in our nervous systems and without the proper tools, they express themselves in a myriad of ways that cause catastrophes in our lives — and the prize at the end becomes a diagnosis of digestive, hormonal, mental, and auto-immune illnesses, including Cancer.
We then become dependent on our families (notice the pattern with your own parents).
Along the way, when these wounds are unresolved, the experience of life isn’t all that amazing BEFORE the diagnosis, either.
Here are some patterns that might show up:
Co-Dependent Relationship dynamics.
Chronic people pleasing
An inability to feel safe in our bodies.
Attracting partners that treat us like crap.
Not feeling seen and heard.
Lack of purpose.
Resistance to taking on the challenges of life.
Constantly feeling like “it’s never enough”.
And lately something I’ve been seeing quite a bit:
Super successful people who have it all financially, but never feel like they can just enjoy it with loved ones because they feel so disconnected from themselves and everyone else.
In that place, we can’t even sit still for a moment.
We count on time to rescue us.
We hope for doctors to find a cure.
One realtor even asked me “can’t I just throw money at this and make it go away? I thought this was done with and in the past.”
News flash/ Wake up call here:
TIME DOESN’T HEAL OUR EMOTIONAL WOUNDS:
TIME ONLY CONCEALS THEM.
(read that again)
Without proper education on how to process these wounds, to “clean” them out, we create borders, barriers, and walls around all the resentment, shame, guilt and other wounds of the past, in order to survive and get through the challenges in life.
We may even become very successful through it.
“Checking out” allows us to keep charging forward.
This will produce some results.
But we end up blocking love.
No one can survive long term without it.
We THINK we’re surviving…
Until we can’t run from the pain any longer and we get a wake-up call:
Businesses blow up.
Children start developing anxiety and acting out and getting into trouble.
Health starts to collapse.
All for the purpose of getting us to look at what we have been avoiding all along:
OUR OWN UNHEALED WOUNDS.
I’m not saying to sit down and talk endlessly about the story of your past either, through cognitively talking about it WEEK TO WEEK.
That’s another form of avoiding it.
Neuroscientist and mentor of mine,
Dr. Russ Kennedy calls it “Cognitive Bypassing”.
We do it all the time.
Until we can’t any more.
We then have 2 choices.
1- Face it, Feel it, and Heal it
2- Ignore it and wait for a wake up call of epic proportions (like I did).
And it’s usually Mid life (35–45) is when this all usually rears it’s ugly head.
What was YOUR wake up call begging you to face?
If this message is landing for you, and you can stomach the discomfort of the truth, you are resonating with the fact
that months or years ago something happened that is STILL unresolved in your body, and you can see and feel it’s impact
and you’re ready to go beyond bullshit affirmations of
“LET IT GO”
“I’M OVER IT”
“IT WAS IN THE PAST — FORGET IT”
On March 26th, 2022 — Saturday noon (12–6 PST) you can learn how to TRULY resolve what’s been hiding in plain sight.
(Click HERE to register.)
I’ll be taking my community through an exercise I integrated from the past 20 years of research in the best of the best of mind/body nervous system healing tools, and we are practicing the art of healing it.
Like ACTUALLY moving it through your body.
Think about what it is you are MOST resentful about.
The thing that’s been eating away at you.
The relationship challenges, the shame, the unresolved grief.
Now imagine that neutralized within 6 hours of training learning how to INTEGRATE (make sense of it in your body and mind) the past instead of “letting it go”.
I’m not kidding.
It’s that profound.
When you are finished you will feel a shift in your body.
When you master this,
you can literally transform a relationship in a matter of minutes.
BUT NIMA, I’VE DONE SO MUCH WORK!!! HOW IS THIS ANY DIFFERENT?
This is exactly what Katherine said — until she took the plunge, faced all her fears and excuses and attended (screen capture also included)
Or Elmira, who stayed up super late in Hungary because she wanted to get to the bottom of her chronic health issues
and KNEW she hadn’t properly dealt with her past.
If you’re ready to stop with the bullshit affirmations and get a FELT SENSE of freedom from the resentment, guilt and shame that didn’t start with you — but is unconsciously being passed down to your children (through no fault of your own) —
then comment here,
“Send me the link”
and I’ll DM it to you.
Observe the excuses popping up that seem
“insurmountable” to you.
Then imagine if your mother/father made that space and got over THEIR excuses.
How different would your life be?
Time won’t heal it.
It doesn’t improve on its own.
A podcast or youtube video doesn’t address it.
Being in the conversation is the remedy.
Becoming “Triggerproof” begins with this training.
This is a pic of me writing this post with my son Dominic —
he who is the benefactor of me healing my intergenerational wounds.
This is all for him.