Stuck Knee-Deep In A Toxic Situation
Just had a very important conversation come up in a thread.
Samantha Kai is in the process of leaving a really shitty relationship situation after 17 years and is noticing her ex turn into a manipulative, combative little child.
She shared this on a thread…..
I want to discuss this because it’s one of the most common questions we get.
What do you do with a crazy ex who simply doesn’t want to stop fighting and is playing the victim using aggression and manipulation/control tactics — sometimes using the children as pawns?
Let me tell you first hand that whole thing sucks.
I’ve lived it.
In fact it’s something I’m LITERALLY still going through with an ex who simply won’t let go.
It doesn’t feel fair.
It impacts daily life.
Your sense of well- being gets challenged.
But as I’m still very much in it (even though it’s been years since we broke up) the work that has saved me has been the commitment to go inward FIRST.
I wanted to share what I said to Samantha:
In the toxic divorce/separation cases we work with (and we have seen some real doozies including mine) we’ve discovered something interesting.
The fight you got going on with him is a reflection of a fight going on within yourself — with parts of you that you may not even be aware of.
By dropping the outside fighting and going inside and exposing those parts and working exclusively with them, you can and will literally dismantle, piece by piece what you have co-created in your external relationship.
This will be the most challenging and yet rewarding journeys of your life — and I’m sure you’ve been through some major challenges already.
What’s happening (which you might not be aware of) is that God put you on this earth to break the cycles of trauma that have passed through your family system and you’re going to stop the cycle from passing it onto the children who are literally downloading it all unconsciously as we speak.
This is why I do this work.
We all do this work not just for ourselves.
It’s to break the cycle for this little one
Are you a cyclebreaker?
(One year anniversary with this babe Diana Rahmany)
