Taking Ownership vs Blame
There are two types of people in Insecure relationship dynamics.
Which one are you?
1)The one who takes on the victim role — “It’s all their fault. I’m blameless and the other person needs to change.”
2) The one who takes all the blame: “It’s all my fault, I’m messed up and hopeless.”
From my experience — Both of these extremes come from an incomplete awareness.
In our current climate in culture and society, victimization is becoming weaponized as a means of reclaiming power from years (if not generations) of disempowerment.
This is great to give voice to the marginalized…
and like everything, it has exposed its “shadow” side,
where in taking on the victim role, we keep giving away our power.
Caleb and Jenna’s relationship was on the brink of blowing up.
Jenna was checked out… completely feeling hopeless,
and It was Caleb that was recognizing he needed to change….
When he filled out the application and set up the call, he was so disorganized, he almost missed the call. When I got him on the zoom call, I asked for his wife to show up,
because I had some questions for her as well.
On that call, they both committed to healing THEIR PART in the dance… They committed not to taking blame — but to taking OWNERSHIP for their unresolved past that they brought into the relationship…
and to heal.
Not necessarily for the sake of reconciliation or saving the marriage.
They both understood that on the other side of healing, they could very well decide they were no longer a fit for one another.
Throwing the words blame, shame, and fault out the window, they jumped all in, and side by side, they went inwards.
No marital counselling required: They learned how to communicate with one another after taking full responsibility for self-regulation, and mastered the co-regulation frameworks.
In a nutshell, their relationship thrived so much, that Jenna, who thought she was fine because she
already has done some spiritual work in the past — healed her relationship with her estranged father,
and facilitated the transformation of the relationship of her parents as her mother began her
healing work with us recently this year and resolved her relationship with her ex-husband (Jenna’s dad)
back to a working, friendly connection of appreciation for the time they did share.
This is why I do what I do:
I stand for healed families.
If you notice your mental health and physical health symptoms tied to attachment/relationship breakdowns,
just know that you’re not alone.
We don’t learn the skills of how to relate to one another and create harmony out of conflict.
It’s a skill never taught in school.
And yet it’s the one skill that makes all the difference in our life experiences.
If you’re on the fence about staying or going… please watch Jenna’s quick share and know that
you’re one decision away from a totally different reality, if you’re willing to learn.
See you at the next perfect time.
Nima
P.S. Are you ready to work together? I’d love to see if we are the right fit. Apply HERE.
