The Impact Of Unconscious Parenting On Your Emotional Health (and life)
As I’m now three years deep in the parenting game, I am noticing how parenting styles have shifted through the generations.
When your parents were raised, the cultural conditioning was “spare the rod, spoil the child,”
with parents taking on more of an authoritarian role.
As a result of the wounding from that style of upbringing, many in the next generation will raise their children exactly the same, OR
they will go in the exact OTHER direction,
being more permissive,having kids being coddled and infantilized.
Parents will take on the “job” of making their kids happy, giving
gold ribbons JUST for participating, and sheltering them from
conflict and discomfort.
As you can imagine, being raised in either one of these extremes
of parenting styles results in the child having to adapt, creating
challenges when they get older.
Overly Permissive parenting causes children to feel insecure, lack boundaries, and feel entitled, leading to difficulties in understanding limits in relationships and respecting others, as well as challenges in developing self-discipline
and personal responsibility.
It’s like we as parents (and therefore our kids) are effed up either way.
As I’m navigating the terrain of parenthood
in this day and age where the collective is in deep pain and
suffering, I am committed to growing and learning all I can to
help co-create an amazing experience for Domzy.
On the journey as a guide to helping folks break free from Trauma Bonds, I’ve discovered there’s an option “C” if you’re all about your kid
growing up with a strong sense of Self:
That’s parenting them from a Trauma Informed, Nervous System (somatic) lens.
Think of “Poly-vagal parenting” as Conscious Parenting on Steroids.
When you take on parenting from this perspective, it’s impossible for kids to NOT naturally thrive.
3 changes you will notice in your child when you make the shifts:
1) HIGH SELF ESTEEM:
A strong sense of self-worth becomes evident.
These children feel valued and understood,
which translates into confidence in their abilities and value as
individuals, without crossing into arrogance.
2) EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION:
Children raised with regulated parents who understand the
attachment skills to connect to themselves possess the ability to
express their needs, desires, and feelings clearly and
constructively, without resorting to manipulation or aggression.
This skill stems from having their voices heard and respected from a young age.
Then you start to notice them advancing in skills that other
human beings these days are severely lacking:
3) EMPATHY AND SOCIAL SKILLS:
Raised in empathetic environments from parents who understand
the skills of the Poly vagal Theory, these children are adept at
picking up and responding to the emotional cues of others.
They show genuine concern for the feelings of their peers, making them well-liked and socially competent.
I’m embarrased to say that at three years old,
Dominic is already demonstrating what I didn’t really understand
until I was 43 years old and made the shifts.
I call it “Polyvagal Parenting” because when you understand how
amazing, complicated, yet simple the Nervous System is, you get to
create a TOTALLY different experience for your child(ren).
A word of caution:
100% of the people in our community learning this feel some
sadness and grief, as they mourn the fact that their younger selves
didn’t have parents who had access to this information.
So, they didn’t get to experience what their child now gets to
enjoy, unless they had unicorn parents who understood the Poly Vagal Theory.
(Our parents didn’t know what they didn’t know).
The good news is…There IS a path now.
You CAN learn how to break the cycle.
When I dedicated my life to learning and teaching about Trauma, relationship anxiety, and the language of Somatics, unknowingly, I was also helping Dominic learn how to work through
HIS big emotions along with expanding his sense of identity.
As a result of me being a Polyvagal Parent, his self worth and
magnetism is naturally emerging with full force.
And even early on, we would get consistent feedback of his ability
to connect and empathize with self-awareness with almost every
adult stranger he encountered.
His charm, open-ness and fearless engagement with the world,
his sense of internal safety and playfulness came out in full force,
and we get to hang with this bundle of raw charisma every day.
I know — every parent thinks their kid is special — so I’m no exception.
I’m just so damn grateful I received the training our parents generation didn’t have the access to.
Dominic is the spark of my inspiration for the work I get to do
today with people all over the world.
So if you’re a parent, navigating the tumultuous terrain in this day
and age of devices, technology and robots, wanting to parent a child who ends up healthy in mind, body, and soul, and relationships, I send you a deep bow of respect for being the Cyclebreaker in your family line.
You can’t imagine how deep the impact of your healing will go on the physical and emotional health and relationships of your children.
Keep going.
Your guide on the side,
Nima
On April 19th, from 4–7PST,
I’m hosting a 3 hour training for you if you are a specific type of parent:
A parent who’s keen on growing YOURSELF as a human
while your kid is growing up so fast before your eyes,
and you’re noticing either behavioural challenges (acting out) or they struggle with anxiety and avoidance,
and you’re a parent who wants to learn what YOU can do to help them, and you’re willing to take on the task
of conscious parenting from a somatic lens
where you can learn how to
find alternatives to punishment simply by understanding
how the nervous system works, you’re welcome to join
our Cycle Breaker community discussion.
For $30 you can join our workshop, “Connecting to an Anxious Child: Support Your Kid’s Emotional Health by Becoming a Polyvagal Parent”
(From a Somatic Lens),
to stop repeating the same mistakes as your parents
and learn become the conscious, polyvagal parent your child needs.
