The Silent Killer

There’s an unknown hidden attitude most of us live with that
causes relationships to die a slow and miserable death:

This attitude, or voice says “I don’t want to look. Everything is fine.”

Isn’t it annoying when you KNOW there’s something that needs to be dealt with, but the other person is flat our refusing to own it?

Maddening isn’t it.

Well — If we’re honest with ourselves, guaranteed you can find you doing that to YOURSELF on any given day.

It’s called AVOIDANCE:

Avoidance of thoughts (which causes us to ruminate and overthink, ironically).
Avoidance of feelings (which causes numbness or anxiety).
Avoidance of intimacy (which causes a feeling of alone-ness even in a relationship).
We avoid and avoid — not even aware we’re avoiding…
And before we know it…

Life becomes something that is happening OUTSIDE of our experience.

We feel dissociated and separate from life itself (This is where addictions and drama take over — we just want to feel SOMETHING).
Avoidance is a mechanism our Nervous System learns and uses to protect ourselves from discomfort.
It becomes a conditioned and unconscious safety strategy to keep us alive and attached to the people around us when we were growing up without any tools to manage our emotions.

The problem with this is, that the adaptive strategies that kept us alive as kids cause destruction to our intimate relationships, leaving our sense of self worth flailing in the dust.

And like in the case of every single person who commits to healing Trauma Bonds– the biggest obstacle to solving the problem IS THE PROBLEM ITSELF.

“I can’t get myself to healing my avoidance because I’m too busy avoiding it pretending it’s external factors like time or money but it’s actually my fear of facing my shit.”

In all the DM’s I get and emails from people asking for guidance to break the cycle and heal,
I give everyone the same answer:
Begin with the Breath.

Try it. Notice your breath right now.
Are you taking full, deep breaths?
Or did you notice yourself barely breathing?

Essentially, everything in our life, the way we show up, how we respond and react to things…
What’s happening in our inner world….
Even what what we feel we are deserving of…
It’s all reflected back to us in our breath.
Your breath is the ancient link between your conscious mind (that creates our reality and responds to challenges) and your unconscious mind (that reacts from fear and protection and compulsively repeats the past).

By careful observation and practice– I was able to turn from avoidance of myself, single, alone, disillusioned and disconnected– towards transformation, healing, and growth of every aspect in my life… where I now enjoy doing what I thought was impossible: Having a secure relationship and being a present and loving father and husband.
When I hit rock bottom a few years ago– Breathwork was a FUNDAMENTAL practice that allowed me to go from unconscious to a conscious creator of my reality.
Check in time:
You’re here… reading this blog for a reason.
There was *something* that brought you here.
You can do what most of the world does, and keep avoiding facing and feeling that *thing*.

Or you can do what (I consider) “the badasses” are doing to break the cycle…
And that’s to break through the protective avoidance and ENGAGE with a guide and community that’s committed to helping people heal and take ownership of their Nervous Systems.
To shift the disconnect between exhale (giving to the world) and inhale (receiving from the world).
To work towards feeling safer and more trusting in their bodies,
To develop the feeling of safety and trust in themselves,

all the while doing so by looking towards where and healing what most would rather avoid:
The parts of themselves that are trying to look OUTSIDE for love and validation.

When we do, we learn how to give it to ourselves.
When we do, relationships magically feel safer, more genuine, and more authentic,
simply because of the breakthrough in the world of “Avoidance”.

If you’re finally ready to stop avoiding and start healing…

And have your relationship intimacy reflect the intimacy you’re developing with YOURSELF…

Join us at Breathwork and Badassery this Saturday from 12–4pm PST 3–7pm EST (that’s Early Sunday morning in Oz),

Please note– investment goes up to 97 next month so this would be THE time to jump in if you’ve been lurking on the sidelines.



Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Dr. Nima Rahmany

Dr. Nima Rahmany is a retired Chiropractor and interpersonal trauma specialist studying and teaching principles of healing mind and body.