What A Secure Relationship Feeeeeeeels Like(6 qualities)
If you have no clue what it feels like to be in a secure relationship, you’re in good company.
After all, if you didn’t have decent relationship role models growing up, how could you?
What did relationships look like to you — growing up?
What did they FEEL like?
Do you know what it’s like to feel unconditionally loved in the first place?
It’s ok if you don’t.
I didn’t either.
I definitely didn’t feel it for myself…
So I kept pushing it away with my avoidant tendencies.
It’s also ok if you DIDN’T have the experience of being raised by emotionally healthy humans who were unconditionally loving in a way that landed for you.
The fact is, that your experience with love and relationships while growing up was the blueprint for your relationships in adulthood.
And there’s no one to blame for that.
Quick reality check:
How’s it going so far?
If you’re like MOST people,
(especially amid Covid)
relationships have been put to the test,
And all of the leaks and cracks in our relationship armor have been EXPOSED.
This post (and community in general) is meant to be a guidepost for you if you’re feeling lost.
I was there too (years before Covid).
I went through this same crisis a few years ago and realized that at the age of 43, even though I was successful in what I did — I had no clue what a secure relationship looked like.
So I found this list and started getting to work, only to realize the “inner work” I was PREVIOUSLY doing was actually a DISTRACTION from the REAL work I was avoiding.
Hence, I was falling back into same cycles, creating the same type of relationship again and again.
So I began to study Secure Attachments.
It wasn’t easy, but I was committed to doing whatever it took to reach a secure and stable relationship that had eluded me all of my life.
See if you can see yourself in any of these secure relationship characteristics:
6 QUALITIES OF A SECURE RELATIONSHIP:
- Feeling predominantly relaxed with your partner MOST of the time.
- Ease of flow between being close and in connection — to those times being alone in your own space and your own alone-ness.
- When you hit a glitch — it becomes relatively easy for you to apologize, to brainstorm a win-win situation with them — or to repair any mis-attunement or fracture or misunderstanding.
- You Prioritize keeping agreements with your partner.
- You Discover and attempt to meet the needs of your partner, and feel comfortable expressing your own needs and receiving THEIR attention and care.
- You Actively protect your partner (each other) from any harm.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE
I just wanted to show you 6 traits to look out for and to work towards.
How would you say you’re doing so far, by the way?
I say “work towards” because, let’s face it, most of us didn’t have the proper neurological blueprint from secure attachments with our parents to be able to form those secure bonds.
And most of us STILL want to play the blame game in relationships and expect a secure relationship to fall on our lap or wait for someone else to hand it to us. If you don’t believe me just hang out in this group and read the posts and comments. Many are walking wounded souls hoping to be rescued and saved.
When I was in that same pit of uncertainty in my relationship, I discovered that there are 5 transitions I needed to make within my thoughts, my perceptions, and my actions — and by focusing on those ALONE (not anyone else) I was able to go from complete chaotic mess pattern to a secure relationship that keeps growing through every conflict and expanding deeper through every challenge.
Never do I remember feeling so safe in my own body as I do now… so low in my anxiety levels and high in my ability to regulate my emotions, so connected to my heart, and committed to showing my beautiful son Dominic what a secure relationship FEELS LIKE by LIVING IT within my own life and OWNING IT so I feel congruent in TEACHING IT to my community as a Cyclebreaker.
Not only am I the president, I’m also a client.
When YOU decide to make these transitions, not only will YOU ALSO feel safer in your body, you’ll communicate with clarity and intention knowing who you are and what clear boundaries you have for your life, but here’s the kicker: You’ll actually FEEL worthy and deserving of a relationship that is nourishing.
After all, I’ll bet if you were honest with yourself you’ll notice there’s a part of you that DOESN’T feel you even ARE worthy of it.
Without these specific transitions, you’re endlessly waiting for the perfect person to show up in your life, telling your sad story again and again to everyone you meet who will listen, going to counsellors, therapists, arguing over the same thing, trying to practice communication strategies that don’t work, feeling completely disconnected from yourself and others wondering why you feel so alone, so anxious and wondering why this is happening to you.
If you’re resonating with this, and you’re finally ready to stop the blame game and become the container where secure relationships thrive (in ALL RELATIONSHIPS), then join us for my Masterclass where I’ll show you exactly how not only I got there, but how our entire community (which is growing at an alarming rate) is doing the same.
I’ll share case studies so you know how common this is, and why what you have been previously doing hasn’t gotten you where you’ve wanted to go.
SUPER inspired and grateful to share my journey up the mountain with you. See you live or on the replay.
If this resonated with you, register with the LINK and drop a #cyclebreaker in the comments section.