Why Don’t We Just Choose Partners That See And Hear Us
Claire asked this question last night on our group training in the Cyclebreaker Portal, and thanks to the nature of chat and not hearing her tone, (along with having developed a slight numbness to getting many questions I get regularly) I mistakenly thought she was only kidding, and kinda dismissed the question.
(Sorry luv)
I woke up this morning and realized it was actually a great question.
Why DON’T we choose partners that have the capacity to see and hear us?
The answer lies in the fact that most of us don’t have the capacity to see and hear OURSELVES.
If I haven’t healed from the very thing that has had me abandon myself and my own values and safety and well-being in order to belong, in order to feel loved, then my system is pre-wired and conditioned to NORMALIZE the experience of longing, working hard and performing for lovability and worthiness. Feeling seen and heard happens only “when I’ve done something to deserve it.”
In essence I will have stopped empathizing, seeing, and understanding MYSELF.
Then we I get into a romantic partnership I will re-enact what feels NORMAL.
This methodology is about breaking that cycle.
When you integrate those parts we help expose every training, we are now able to change that dance.
When you do the meditations in your portal daily, what you’re saying to yourself is:
“I’ve spent my entire life abandoning you to be seen and it’s never really worked. I’m finally willing to be the ONLY ONE to see me, hear me, and love me.”
In essence to find a partner who is finally willing to see us — they can only do so to the degree we see and understand and can empathize with OURSELVES.
When we do, we no longer will accept being treated any way less than how we are treating ourselves.
When we don’t do this, if we do meet someone willing to see and validate us, it will feel disgusting and suspicious and we will push it away.
The biggest obstacle will be this wall that is blocking us from having compassion and empathy towards ourselves.
It feels foreign at first (I see the newbies struggling with this and this is the muscle so keep going).
Master this process and tool.
See yourself.
Then see the other in front of you and watch your relationship and family fulfillment upgrade.
It’s not easy — especially at first.
Soon, your nervous system learns this new language and we become
better at loving.
Hope this helps.
From my family to yours.
Pic of us celebrating Persian new year.
