Why Won’t “He” Do “The Work”
If I ate a potato chip every time I’ve been asked this question,
I would weigh close to 200 kilos.
I get this mostly from women but the same rules apply the other way around.
Relationship is stuck.
Perhaps separated already.
There’s a ton of resentment.
You’re stuck in this “Purgatory” phase.
The thing is, love is there but so is the RESENTMENT from a shared past where you’ve grown annoyingly accustomed to NOT feeling seen or heard.
You KNOW you have your own work to do.
Your own demons to face.
Your own dragons to slay.
BUT SO DOES HE!!!
“So why should I continue or go back to a relationship with someone
who is UNWILLING to look at HIMSELF and OWN HIS OWN STUFF?”
You get that you have your own anxious attachment styles.
You get that it comes from your own childhood wounding.
But you RESIST going all in with yourself and doing the healing work because well, quite frankly…
WHAT IS THE POINT IF HE’S NOT GOING TO DO IT WITH YOU?
This is the million dollar question:
IS IT EVEN WORTH IT TO DO HEALING WORK ON A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO ISN’T DOING IT WITH YOU (especially if he’s got some UNCLEARED ISSUES HE REALLY NEEDS TO FACE?)
The answer to this is a bit more complex than you think.
The REAL QUESTION you would be wise to ask is:
WHAT DO I WANT?
The entire point of “doing the healing work” is for you to achieve the jackpot of human existence on this planet:
CREATING SECURE ATTACHMENTS.
And if you want to create a secure attachment…
Then the answer to your original question is NO.
He DOESN’T have to do the work with you.
2 of our clients this month alone shared MASSIVE shifts in their marriages of MORE THAN 30 years.
Neither of their partners participated with us.
All of our clients drowned out the noise of the external world and just did their OWN healing work and used every trigger their partners brought up to go INSIDE and heal what it was REALLY about.
When you do this, something magical happens.
Your self-worth expands to the point where he feels…
Different towards you.
He starts feeling like he’ll have something to LOSE when he can FINALLY see the strong and self-loving version of you.
This is because you’ve gotten to the place where you NO LONGER NEED HIM TO CHANGE in order for you to fully love YOURSELF.
If you’re a woman, that’s when your feminine RADIANCE shines.
(That stops traffic).
If you’re a man (masculine energy), you then turn into the king she has always wanted instead of a pathetic and needy little boy.
Your real question to ask is:
“WHO WOULD I LOVE TO AUTHENTICALLY BECOME so it doesn’t even MATTER if it works out or not?”
THAT’S when they either step up and meet you because they CAN’T LIVE without the value you bring…
JUST for being YOU…
You finally call in someone who actually does.
You become the kind of woman/man whose radiance/presence attracts the kind of partner who’s willing to step up and meet you halfway.
If you’re a woman telling the story “there’s not enough conscious guys/girls out there”
I call BS.
I can vouch for the fact that there are TONS.
I’m not saying it’s your job to do HIS work for him.
The truth is, just like losing weight, people don’t want to face their shadows.
It’s scary. You can’t force someone.
You can only lead by example.
There ARE conscious and evolved people out there.
They’re busy looking for self-loving conscious partners who aren’t stuck in co-dependent cycles.
They don’t NEED to be doing YOUR “work” with you.
You do yours and the rest will take care of itself.
If you are FINALLY ready to let go of that cycle,
Put yourself first,
Have a breakthrough in Self-Trust,
Heal those attachment wounds,
And create a secure attachment…
So your partner can do a DOUBLE TAKE and say “WHO ARE YOU?”
Then check out what’s possible here if you’re ready to take action:
I received this DM from the husband of one of our clients in our 6 week intimacy accelerator program.
She initially wanted him to work with us to “fix” their problems.
He checked out.
Frustrated, she knew she had to take matters into her own hands. She jumped into our 6-week Intimacy Accelerator Program.
4 weeks in,
He doesn’t recognize her any more…
She stopped focusing on HIM and was ready to do the work.
She even notices her connection with her daughter is closer than ever through this.
If you resonate with this are empowered and ready to literally change the culture of your family, your work, and your relationship, then
type “I am ready to do the work”
And I’ll DM you an application to be considered for our Intimacy Accelerator program.