You Never Loved Me
This was the feedback given to me from every single woman I have ever dated (or married) in my life.
It’s taken me a while (and a f** ton of work) to muster up the courage to say
They were all correct.
When I look at my wife and see the type of relationship that I have now, I know with certainty that
I never really knew what love was before.
I THOUGHT I knew, but when I look now, it was all transactional.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I had an “Insecure Avoidant” attachment style.
That means that I WANTED love… to connect, to express and receive affection…
But when I would get it — it would feel overwhelming and I couldn’t cope.
I would check out.
First sign of trouble I would run away.
Then the cat and mouse game began.
Love and passion one day…
Escalation to massive conflict the next.
Constantly walking on eggshells.
For 10 years, working through this dance,
one divorce and several failed relationships later wondering if I’ll ever have a healthy connection that feels safe,
wondering if I’ll ever really find TRUE love…
I realized the biggest obstacle was myself. (Shocking. I know.)
But the big surprise for me wasn’t knowing that I was the obstacle.
It was the realization that I actually didn’t feel I DESERVED love.
After all, how could I — If I didn’t have it for myself?
“If they REALLY knew the real me — they wouldn’t truly love me.”
I thought it was about THEM, when in fact I had an internal barrier I couldn’t see and was too ashamed to admit because I was using my success to hide from it.
So if you are in relationship limbo…
wondering if they should stay or go…
If that sounds familiar, just know that there’s a way to find out the answer.
Some folks don’t.
That’s ok too, by the way.
Many of us are hiding from the truth.
I certainly was
When I realized what I was unconsciously doing and turned inside and looked to solve the root cause of THAT…
My “limbo” solved and I was able to not only back away from that relationship
I was deeply co-dependently stuck in…
I was able to be alone with myself and not need to distract with other women.
I could finally feel great being on my own.
I was able to heal my relationships with my parents who I was keeping at a distance because I didn’t want to face the truth of my incongruence and inauthenticity.
They didn’t trigger me any longer and I was no longer looking to them for emotional approval …
I was then able to CREATE (not find) a healthy secure attachment where we both feel like a true team.
I was able to do what I NEVER thought was possible for myself: become a dad and have a family with the most amazing person I could have picked to be the mother to our son, Dominic.
And I can now say I feel deep knowing of what love feels like with a partner — because I was able to feel it for myself.
So when I noticed my inbox filling up with people who are stuck in the same feelings of purgatory, not knowing if they should stay or go — to leave their relationship or not, I had to put together a training that could help guide them to the solution.
I have outlined all the steps in a “Should I stay or Go” masterclass designed to help guide those stuck in the same situation to gain the confidence, clarity and courage to go all in — or finally move on and part ways from the repetitive relationship conflicts, escalating volatile arguments and drama that keep us from creating a home where love is abundant, children feel safe, and have healthy role models to create intimacy in relationships of their own.
Imagine growing up in a household where parents valued trainings that helped them solve their conflicts.
How would your life be different?
If you can relate to what I’m saying, I want you to know it’s not your fault your stuck there.
After all, who do you learn how to love from?
And who did THEY learn from?
I went from not knowing how to love, struggling to find it and feel it, being in relationships where the person I was with couldn’t feel my love…. to finally getting to a place where love feels safe and easy, and where triggers and conflicts are used to connect rather than disconnect.
As I shared exactly how with others, I found the results were reproducible.
In my free Master Class I share the 5 specific transitions I went through (and now guide others through) to get there.
Finally get the clarity, confidence and courage to create the connection we all crave…. and finally know where to stay or go and how to do so.
JUMP IN and get ready to get to work.